A typical salad, that may or may not have gone bad.

Sometimes you buy a salad. before you eat it, you wonder, “has this gone bad?” Here are some quick tips to figuring it out:

1) It smells gross
Smell your salad. Does it smell gross, like a 3-day old animal carcass?  Then it’s probably gone bad. Normally, salad smells almost like nothing– or, vaguely, of something good.

2) It tastes disgusting
Generally people enjoy salad for its taste, and low calorie content. But if it tastes disgusting, like you just chugged from the large intestines of an entire village of dysentery, that’s a sign that your salad may have gone bad.

3) It looks all rotten
Salad should be pleasing to look at. Leaves should be green and crunchy; salad contents should look fresh. If it looks all rotten and gross, like a pile of scabs drizzled in acne pus, it may have gone bad.

Example of sickness, a feeling of illness.

4) You get sick after you eat it
Throwing up a bunch is never fun.  But there is usually a reason for it.  Salad should invigorate you profoundly after you eat it. You’ll feel healthy and glowful. If you become vomitously sick, or feel like a complete piece of asscrap, your salad may have gone bad before you ate it.

5) Your dog won’t go near it
Dogs are hungry and curious. They love to eat whatever they can; though it must be said that salad is a low priority for dogs. However, if your dog is avoiding your salad to a high degree, it may be triggering an instinct called “fear”. This may indicate that the salad has gone bad.

6) A viscous liquid sludge has formed at the bottom of the salad
Salad generally contains no viscous sludgey materials soaking around at the bottom. If you find this substance and it reminds you of reindeer vomit, or catfish backwash, it may mean your salad has gone bad.

With these tips, it should be easy for you to figure out when your salad has gone bad. Good luck!